another moral hangover. fuck.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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