Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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