I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
