i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is wine microwaveable?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
