I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm always down for nudity.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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