I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
