Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
