i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she pinky promised me she was 18
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
