The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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