he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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