My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
