I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
