Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
