Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
