you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
