He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
