i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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