I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
