my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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