Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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