Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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