I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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