Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just pee around me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
