my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
