Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
