I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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