theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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