i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
