I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Green mimosas i think yes
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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