you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
