Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
