I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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