I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
