Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
