splinters make it hard to masturbate
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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