if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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