some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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