im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
