Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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