Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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