im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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