Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
