Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
