i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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