i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
