So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
