are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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