i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
