I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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