Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
