Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
