I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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