I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
