Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So squirting runs in the family.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
