Who wears a wallet chain?!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
