If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
