bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
