Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
