Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Even my vagina gasped.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
