you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
