I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
