dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
