im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
