So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
