well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
