the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The best revenge is premature balding
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
