im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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