i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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