I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
