I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
