I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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