i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
