i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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